It is a delicate balance between "loving" and "wanting." From what I understand "wanting" means you don't have it already so when you scream out to the universe "I want him" it's just reiterating the fact that you don't have it and you will attract more not having it.
Doesn't that just suck? I'd love my twin soul back in my arms like he was last year. So in an effort to avoid the "wanting" I am writing about our love. I like writing about our love. It is Truth to me, Truth with a Capital "T." Also I'd like to reaffirm who Joron is to me so please don't mind if I constantly and consistently begin these posts by saying who he is and what we are...
You are loving and caring and compassionate. You adored my son upon meeting him because my son is a little ball of wiggly love and you knew this. You met my son and wanted to know him better. Meeting him only a few times showed you that you could imagine my son in your life. You wanted that. You saw my amazingly awesome loving mothering skillz {with a Z} and you felt that you could really want to create a child with me. You grew quickly to love my uniqueness and my quirkiness and you knew that together we could build a great home and family. You are empathetic and fight for what you believe in. You are respectful; you respected ME. You are gentle... and tender and giving. I love you for being such a quality human being and for showing me a love that I didn't know could ever truly be mine.
That said. Yes- Atheism. He told me he was an Atheist and it gave me pause. We immediately because to nudge each other on this slippery idea of "belief." To him, my little Science Trip, God can't be examined, put in a machine to be blown up or burned or whatever scientists do in their machines, and God can't be peer reviewed or... the list goes on. Because God can't be "proven" then God does not exist to him. Much of our initial conversation concerned God but he was respectful of me. It's a paradox isn't it? To discuss my beliefs while layered over his non-belief but we made it work. He listened with an open mind and appreciated my own passion for what I believe in. He began to understand through our conversation that I do not think, at all, like the average Christian.
Another thing we have in common is that we both love the universe. I've been in love with the night sky and cosmos my whole life. I love star gazing. I own a telescope. I stay out late bundled up in the cold to watch meteor showers from my little slice of sky that peeks through in my backyard, and I squeal each and every time I catch sight of a shooting star. He told me there was a meteor shower coming up and we should get together to watch it. So bouncy and excited to meet me. Wonderful happy energy.
Then came, soon, him asking to talk to me on the phone. He didn't wait long and was like, "Oh we so need to talk!" So he asked me to call him one night... and as I already explained in the last post his voice was just so Joron. Sweet. Pure sweetness! Beautiful and gentle and light. Masculine enough but not too rough. His voice is like his hands- he has gentle deft hands. Powerful yet tender. Same with his voice. We've talked on the phone before where just his voice makes me melt... and makes me totally wet. I loved talking on the phone with him, and even on that first call where it was all "get to know you" he did not want to get off the phone. He's always like this. Always wanting me to talk just a little bit longer, and he says "I hate saying goodnight or goodbye." Joron and I talked for probably hundreds of hours in the short amount of time we were together and communicating in 3D. I loved our phone calls, and honestly I'd really love to speak with him on the phone again. Hearing his voice would be like hearing the sound of angels.
Lots of men these days hide behind text message and they are slow to communicate. Seriously I cannot express to you just how open Joron is. Totally and completely desiring to connect as often as we could, and he loved knowing more and more about me. He loved sharing his life experiences and his loves with me. This is why he ignited my passion for the cosmos by sharing with me tons of links and discussion about physics and science and the universe. It was like knowing him "turned me on" on a very deep cellular level. He inspired me to my very soul and I was not sure what was happening to me!
He also pushed my buttons. On maybe our second hours-long call he called belief "nonsense" which I've come to realize is a commonly-used word in the Atheist community. I took offense and told him so via email and he apologized but I could tell it was going to be an interesting issue between the two of us because it wasn't like some lukewarm non-believer was getting to know a fly-by-night believer. No. We are both exceedingly passionate about where we stand in our belief and non-belief. I've had so many experiences in my life where I could not doubt the existence of God, and he is a scientist who follows logic and evidence.
The one thing, though, we could not debate about was that we had a strong connection. We could not get enough of each other and once he had my phone number he text me all the time. And Joron is so funny! He has this ironic sense of humor that is short and really tickles my funny bone. and see I can be the serious type. I've had so many challenges that they have tempered me. I can be more reflective than funny and he did well to bring the giggles out in me. He text me often. Or he emailed me. Or he called me... and then he said, "We have to meet. Like I so need to meet you soon."
One day he said wrote to me and said something like, "Oh I'm sorry honey." I wrote back "Honey? really?" And from that point on he ALWAYS called me honey. Or sugar dumplin' cupcake. Or angel. Or sweetie. He said, "I got such a reaction from honey that I'll never stop. And to his credit he didn't. For the entirety of our relationship he always used the cutest pet names for me, just another sign of his sweet endearing affection. I absolutely love hearing Joron call me honey. I have some old voicemails he left me where he says in that gently sexy voice, "Hiiiii honey," and the smile on his face is always evident. Always. Such love.
While burning up the 'net with our crazed emailing I mentioned that my 40th birthday was coming up. I hadn't asked his age but I assumed due to his pictures that he was close to my age. He said, "Oh you are going to be 40 soon? So am I!" He was going to turn 40 the day after me. And then he asked me where I was born and we found out we were born in the same place at nearly the same time, within a few hours of each other. So our mothers were in the hospital at the same time, and we probably breathed the same air while we slept near each other. When Joron first saw my picture he kept telling me "I swear I know you from somewhere. I'm sure we met before" but I know I'd never met him before. He did kinda look like exactly the type of guy I would have adored in high school. Small, bouncy and cute, like Michael J. Fox lol. But we had never met.
We grew up near each other though. He went to a high school one town over and ended up dating then marrying a woman from my high school. It's like our paths could have crossed many times but never did. Even though he felt familiar to me I knew we'd never met. So when he found out we were born together he said we must have lain next to each other, and he said he probably hit on me back then. He said, "See! I knew I'd seen you somewhere before!"
I laughed when he wrote this next bit, but I don't laugh any more. I hold his words close to my heart like a precious gem. He said, "See? I held out for my destiny to be born before me," meaning that since he was born the next day from me he waited a few hours for me, his destiny, to be born before him. *sigh* Joron IS my destiny. I know this. He even called it himself.
After a few more phone calls he emailed me and said, "I want you to be the last woman I kiss in my thirties, the first woman I kiss in my forties and the last woman I kiss ever."
Dear reader... it has been 14 months since I have seen my Beloved's face. I love him dearly, and I feel so strongly in my heart that we are meant to be together forever. I was the last woman he kissed in his thirties, on my fortieth birthday under the light of the blue moon. I was the first woman he kissed in his forties, on our second date. I know I am meant to be the last woman he kisses, ever.
I think Joron and I came down to earth together so we could be in each others soul presence to the last moment. Then we split to enter into our "twin" baby bodies at the very last minute. I imagine us telling each other "Okay we can do this thing! See you soon!" fist bumping and then parting to begin our journey on earth.
I love you my dear sweet friend. I love you.
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