Sweet Reunion Kenny Loggins
As I created the other blog, Silence is Golden, I did it more to share my experience after my love separated from me. It was so surreal and I wanted people who might be going through the same thing to find it and feel comforted. I am a good writer so it helped me feel like I was doing something worthwhile with the experience. For that reason I kind of glossed over the love we shared in person; our "romance" was not the key reason I created the blog. But- our love was intense, magical, pure, real and overwhelming and I want to talk about it now.
I miss it. This is why I sometimes find it so hard to write about it. Bringing it so close over and over can hurt only because he's not physically here with me but I think it's what I am supposed to be doing so I am :) I didn't spend much time explaining just how wonderful our relationship was so I'd like to do that now. Our love is one that needs to be shared, our Love Story. A true romance.
My dear sweet Joron. I really looked forward to meeting him face to face. I was SO excited, and normally I dreaded going out on dates. With him though I just knew it was going to be awesome. I don't think I ever looked more forward to a first date in my life. It could not get here soon enough. On my birthday my sister took me out for Chinese buffet for lunch. I got two fortune cookies that day. One said, "You have a magnetic polarity but be aware of your polarity." The other said, "You are important enough to ask and blessed enough to receive."
Well everyone wants good gifts on their birthday, right? Well I got mine. He walked right up to me in the parking lot of the bar where we met. I wore jeans and a black top and some black sandals with heels and I left my hair down. Before I walked out the door I added a bit more lip gloss and asked my guidance one question.
"Tell me again why I am meet him?" I just KNEW it felt big. Not average or run-of-the-mill. I had a feeling something special was about to happen, and I'd been told that forty was going to be amazing! Get this- I'd been told forty was going to be a real "roller coaster ride" but Spirit was not more specific than that, *sigh.* I had no idea. LOL. Just no idea.
My guidance said the following to me: "Walls will fall. Hearts will melt. This one is a gem, Cherish him. Nemesis." Yes- that last word there, nemesis, was definitely said to me and I remember being a little thrown by that word but I just shrugged and off I want. I was more than ready to meet this wonderful interesting little sweetheart. All of our disussions were explosively exciting and engaging so I know we were going to have a good date. I felt we'd really hit it off.
"Halo" is playing right now but it's the version by Lotte Kestner. It's beautiful. My angel. "I can see your halo. Hit me like a ray of sun even through my darkest night. You are the only one I want. I am addicted to your light." The bar where we met is right around the corner from my house. I remember looking at the time and thinking... is it too early? I made myself wait so I wasn't too early, lol. I pulled into the parking lot and saw a small black two-door car in the lot and wondered if it could possibly be him. There were not many people there because it was only about 7PM and it was a weeknight. As I got out of my car and turned he started walking towards me from the little black car and all I could think was... He. Is. Perfect.
Small, lol. Bouncy. HUGE FUCKING BRILLIANT SMILE. Like huge smile on his glowing happy face. Confidence just exudes from his every pore. His eyes are glittering blue, like jewels. He has this mirthful look, youthful. Carefree. He bounded up to me like a little puppy and hugged me then pulled back to say, "You are just as beautiful as I knew you'd be."
Well I was pretty well taken aback. He was adorable, smelled amazing, and his hug was like a million angels were singing to me all at once. I was stunned. We went inside and I remember he was talking about music as we slipped onto our bar stools and this first thing he said to me immediately threw me for a loop. The song "Closer" by NIN was playing, and we all know that is the "I wanna fuck you like an animal song." Well here is a secret- I think it is like the sexiest song ever and have always secretly fantasized about having really hot intimate close naughty sex with a man to that song. Joron turned to look at me and said, "Yeah some songs have really meaningful lyrics..." and then slickly he added, "Like this one" as he took a quick swig of his beer and kind of gave me this little majorly sexy sideways glance.
I just remember how I was a bit shocked that he said it, and I was surprised because it was almost like he looked inside me and saw how I felt about that totally sexy song. Doesn't the beat alone just totally feel like fucking? You know it does, lol. Loving but still fucking- like deep intimate close hard hard hardcore fucking, and with that one little sneaky glance it was like he was saying, "I know what you think about this song." It was just really weird.
Then he looked at me and said again, "I SWEAR I know you from somewhere! It's uncanny!" He began to ask me about all these places people in our youth used to go to, bars and such, but I never went to any of them. I know I'd never met him before except when we were born, lol. But like him with me, he does look familiar to me. He looks like every boy I should have ever dated. He looks like the boyfriend I never had but always dreamed about. He looked like... my destiny.
"Nice t-shirt" I said as I laughed. He wore jeans and a black t-shirt with the huge red A on it for "Atheist" and it cracked me up, his balls of brass in wearing his Atheist t-shirt after I'd cancelled our first date based on his Atheism. Didn't phase me though, lol. I was too enamored with him to even notice. The black on him looked really good. He is so handsome. Light brown hair that he keeps cut close but the very front is a bit longer and he spikes it up. There is a bit of grey at his temples, and he is very clean shaved with a dimple in his chin. To me he is perfection. High cheekbones and thee is something about his face that I can't really explain. It is unique, the shape of his eyes. The slant of his nose, His high cheekbones. Made me melt, and his voice in person is even better than on the phone. Just talking to him made me swoon but being in his presence made my knees weak.
Total energetic connection.
Then he asked me if I smoke. I told him no... which was a half-fib. I'd smoked in the past and would sometimes smoke socially but I did not consider myself as a smoker. He said he was glad because smoking was kind of a deal-breaker for him. I joked that maybe that was something he should have asked me earlier but I said no, I don't smoke,
He looked adorable sitting there next to me and I felt so happy. I enjoyed his big bright smile; I could tell he was happy too. Excited to be meeting me. We sat at the bar and drank a beer and talked and I was not nervous. He made me feel very comfy, sweet and warm and so so funny. There is something about Joron that makes his energy fun. Everything is "jovial" coming from him.
Joron made me laugh. *sniff* He made me laugh, and not too many people can do that. Not many at all. With him I felt giddy and excited and turned on and... pretty. I knew my cheeks were flushed and I kept laughing and I thought OMG what is happening? He's too right. I can't believe I am meeting him. And on my birthday. My gift,
And I had to pee so I slipped off my stool and hoped I would not trip or something headed to the john. I text my girlfriend and told her he was perfection. And I did feel him watching me walk, and now he tells me with total frankness that he watched me walk to the bathroom and he was admiring what he calls my perfect ass. Now I have never been too impressed with my behind. My booty is not all that but for some reason Joron acts like he wants to get on his knees and worship my heiny. It is so not something I can even begin to understand but ole' boy is like in love with my butt. And he noticed it right away, lol. He says he thought I was perfection and he was checking me out every step of the way just marveling at my beauty. *sigh*
After I sat down he finished his beer and said, "How about we go for a walk and take a look at your birthday blue moon?" We walked out into an absolutely gorgeous August evening. It was already dark outside and the sky was nice and clear, the moon full and gorgeous... and it felt miraculous. And it only got better because as we walked down the sidewalk in my neighborhood he looked at me with that adorable smile and asked me, "Would it be okay if I held your hand?" I nodded and he took my hand and I about melted. Oh. My. God. His hands are just the right size. He's not a big man. Walking next to him he is not much taller or bigger than me, and as I said before I normally am attracted to big hulking men but Joron is slight. Taut and sexy as Hell but small. We fit well as we walked. He kept looking at me and smiling with a very satisfied look on his face, and he kept rubbing his thumb against the palm of my hand, the sensation sending electrical pulses to between my thighs like his thumb was caressing other more sensitive areas than just my palm, lol. Our fingers entwined and hands palm to palm felt like heaven. I don't think I've ever held hands with a man before where it felt totally electric but it totally did with him,
Here is something I need to explain. My ex-husband would not hold my hand. It annoyed him and that made me sad. I really always dreamed of a man who wanted to hold my hand. And then THIS perfectly sweet man asked to hold my hand on our very first date. It made my brain spin. Something felt... magical. Very perfect.
Here is another thing I want to explain- our attraction was deep was it was not solely physical, not based on "sexual" attraction. It was this deep full aching attraction on all levels, especially mental and spiritual. I thought Joron was adorable when I met him but he was not what I was used to as far as men are concerned. He was very opposite what I normally find physically base attractive in a man. Normally I find this attractive: scruffy, big, shaggy hair...
As we walked along he started telling me all kinds of scientific facts about the earth and the sky and I was just enthralled with him. The universe is 14.5 billion years old and the earth is 4.5 billion years old. He glanced at me and said, "So what do you weigh, about 110 lbs?" LOL- he was going to tell me how much I'd weigh on the moon but I laughed and told him to add at least twenty more pounds and he said. "Get the fuck outta here." But he explained how and why we'd weigh on the moon what we would if we ended up there; I could tell this was something to which he'd given some thought, lol. We talked about the first lunar landing. We gazed at the sky while holding hands and ended up at the park across the street from my house, the same park my son and I go to all the time. While swinging on the swings feeling the coolish night air flowing through my hair as we swung in tandem I could only cheesily grin.
It was The. Perfect. Moment. Okay? Perfect. Magical and undeniably perfect. God works in mysterious ways and The Divine ensured I'd remember my fortieth birthday forever. While looking up at the sky and swinging together Joron shocked me by saying, "I believe in nemesis."
Whaaaaaaat? Nemesis?
Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is not a coincidence. My guidance had told me right before the date the word "nemesis." And then on our first date he said it, "I believe in nemesis." So I asked him to repeat himself and he said, "I believe in nemesis. It's a hypothetical binary {twin} star to the sun that some scientists say lead to the asteroids that could have made dinosaurs extinct." I'm not quoting his science quite as eloquently as he did but that's what he told me.
"I believe in nemesis."
Hm. I'll explain this later, and I've discussed it on my other blog, but I know that was a very important clue as to what was ahead in our relationship although neither one of us knew it. He sat on the swing and had a "thought." He thought about the hypothetical binary star "Nemesis" and since we'd been talking sky-science he thought he'd share. Actually what happened is he is psychic and Spirit wanted him to say that word to me to grab my attention so he did, and he "heard" it as a simple thought about this star, Nemesis. Oh it grabbed my attention alright but I didn't know what to do with it so I filed it away for later. What I think now is that "nemesis" has played a big role in my entire journey. Nemesis is, if I am correct about this, my largest ego-based fear that has the potential to derail my soul journey if I allow it to. I don't know exactly what my soul journey is but right now it clearly has something to do with overcoming some roadblocks and reuniting with Joron. And I think nemesis, for me, is probably fear, primarily doubt which is just an offshoot of fear.
Nemesis. Hm. Funny that he said it to me. Like I was the one who was supposed to hear it. He had no idea, not then, of the impact {ha- that's funny concerning the binary star is said to cause comets to hit the earth} it had on me. That word was meant for ME.
Anyway. We moved from the swings and sat on a park bench, holding hands and getting closer. It was so lovely to sit there with him with the full moon shining overhead. I could see him looking at me, easing into me, and I'll assume his body language probably said, "I want to kiss you now" but all I could think was, "Oh my do I have to pee!!!" The beer I'd had at the bar was hitting me and there was no way I was going to make it back to the bar. I was sitting there contemplating- do I ask him to go to my house? I'm about ready to pee my pants. So probably right as he was leaning in to lay one on me I blurted out, "I have to pee so bad!" I explained that my house was across the street and while I knew it was a little odd I didn't think I could make it back to the bar. My son must have been with either his dad or his grandparents because I remember I was by myself that evening, kid-free. He's since told me that he was totally gunning for a kiss right then but right when he was going to lean in and lay one of me I did tell him I had to pee, lol. I find that humorous because he also explain he'd been dying to see what kissing me would be like. A KISS says SO much. A kiss is "make it or break it." A kiss can seal the deal or break it. He was totally hoping we had as much chemistry physically in a kiss as we seemed to intellectually, personally, physical attraction, etc. so he was anxious to kiss me and find out but I made him wait just a wee bit longer to find out.
Quickly we headed to my house and I let us in. He sat on the couch in my dining room {the main room from my front door} to wait for me, and when I walked out of the bathroom I noticed very specifically his body language. My dining room was dark with only the light of the moon flowing in. He popped up from the couch and kept his hands to himself. It was as if he was showing me that he was not going to try any moves on me here in my house on our first date. For some reason I can see him in my mind's eye standing there a bit awkwardly like, "Okay what do we do now?" He stepped towards the door and I said, "Okay we can go," And we went back outside to continue to walk and then it was getting late so we headed back to our cars which were parked at the bar.
As we walked and I knew the date would be ending soon and I wondered if he would kiss me. I sneaked a few glances at him as we walked hand in hand. The silver at his temples totally glittered in the moonlight. His walk is cute, kind of funny. He has a peculiar jaunty little gait. Jovial, lol. Cute- like him. Everything about this dude is just adorable and endearing. He makes me wanna scoop him up and carry him with me forever. I wondered if he'd do that dood thing and make me wait a couple days before contacting me, kinda let me sweat it out. Guys seem to like to do that. Somehow I did not think Joron would do that. We got to our cars and while standing by my door I readied myself to thank him for the absoutely wonderful date, and to thank him for making my birthday so special but before I could he quickly leaned in and, totally taking me off guard, took my face in his hands and kissed me with the full intensity of someone who is thinking, "I've wanted to kiss you since the day we were born."
Oh. Fuck. Me. Seriously... he owned me with that kiss. It is that kiss alone that tells me I will never love another besides him, and I don't care how crazy that may sound to other people. It does not mean I am desperate or co-dependent or... that I can't move on. It means I fell in love with Joron that night. His lips met mine, not aggressively but totally intense. His tongue slipped past my lips as if to say, "Oh yeah I am SO going there" and he french kissed me with this... gah... energy that made me temporarily lose my mind. Unapologetically. It was the most sensually sweet sexy overwhelming mind-numbing, heart-melting, knees-weakening kiss I've ever experienced, and I am lucky because I had good kisses with all my soul mates. But this kiss from Joron, while brief, was out-of-this-fucking-world. His lips on mine and his tongue quickly exploring my own made me wet in under ten seconds flat. The kiss broke after a few moments and when we pulled back to look at each other I said, "Oh my God" and I leaned in for another one. I did. I could have stood there kissing that insanely so not what I would normally find attractive adorable man for the rest of the night, or for the rest of my LIFE.
Perfection. Magical. Soul. It was like our souls were celebrating in those kisses. It was... our Sweet Reunion. Our souls, I honestly do believe, had waited forty long years for this moment. For us to reunite after coming into the world together when we were born, forty years earlier. And out what a sweet reunion it was!
Then we pulled away again and giggled and said goodbye although I could have stood there kissing him for eternity. I got in my car, totally awash with joy, elation, new love and already I didn't really want to see him leave. "Parting is such sweet sorrow." I had to pinch myself to see if I was dreaming. I watched him get into his little black car and drive away, waving and my heart just soared.
I totally fell in love with him that night, and I love him still, and there is nothing- nothing- that could ever make me stop loving him. He is my Gift. Totally my gift. Best kisser ever, sweetheart galore.
It's a little rough when others can't understand the depth of love one person may have for another. People get married and if a spouse passes they often can't move on. Some never do. Remember Jack and Rose from "Titanic." "I'll never let go. I'll never let go."
I think I experienced that love with Joron. That "I'll never let go" love. A love that is irreplaceable in it's exquisiteness and perfection, where no one else will do. But him.
I love you my sweetheart.
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